Resilience that says I don’t know how I will keep going from this point on, but I will not give up. Resilience that says I am so done with all of that, whatever “that” is, and here is the line I’ve drawn in the sand…..
after about a week of hearing him struggle to explain exactly what he saw, felt and experienced in a poverty ridden village off the coast of Thailand, he finally blurted out, “let’s sell everything, pack it all up, and move to Thailand,…
If you have ever lived with an alcoholic you know exactly what I am about to talk about……That indescribable but unshakable feeling that you are going crazy when you are around them. That confusion you feel when they are making an argument or case for something. You start off in the conversation knowing where you stand on an issue, but three loops around the insanity of their explanations or problems with the way you do things…and BOOM….that crazy why can I not understand my thoughts, feelings, frustrations is back
While we engage in these conversations regularly and pay lip service to our need, our lives continue on at a fast and furious pace. We don’t really know how to reduce our speed and then continue on at that reduced speed. We can feel we are doing it wrong, we can feel guilty and we can feel overwhelmed…
He acts a little bit more like a dog then a cat normally would. He follows us around, begs to be held and is unconditionally in love with us, unless we scare him...then he hisses like a trapped rattle snake. He is complex!
Every time I think about paying it forward, I get hot, nervous and start shallow breathing….then I play the whole scenario out in my head. This pretend high drama script usually ends with me fleeing the scene….
Build each other up, love each other forward, and compliment each other constantly!! This world is full of information of how we are not enough….never let your thoughts, actions or words…spur that ridiculous concept forward!
Like any time you need to retrain yourself to return to something that is good for your life, diet, exercise, etc…you need a plan! A multi pronged plan. Have you ever committed whole heartedly to a diet plan just ten minutes after you finished eating a huge carb laden meal that made you feel like your sides were splitting open?
No I was not perfect in my first marriage…we fought, we disagreed, we spent money differently, but we also laughed and had fun and loved each other a lot….Then he left, and I had no choice…one day I woke up and it was my reality…..