One Blessed Mess

I am one blessed mess

 

I am just so darn comfortable in my have it all together illusions……Who is with me? Every single day, people, people who {claim to} love me by the way, try to drag me out of that safe, beautiful, amazing illusion, and I fight with my claws out to get back in!

I mean, I am just so happy in that safe space where tasks effortlessly get ticked off the to-do list, husbands are happy and funny. Pre-teens are productively participating in the things that will turn them into productive teens. Teens are setting goals, working hard and only throwing around semi-lame attitude. Semi-adult children are juggling school, work, relationships and steadily moving toward full grown up status….(for Pete’s sake I have a lot of kids) I mean it’s dreamy here in safe space land, I am doing so blasted good I’m thinking about instagramming today with #canttouchthis or even #winninglife…..it’s hard to choose, both are just so accurate!!

And then….

RECORD SCRATCH

That was a nice two minutes….

Suddenly I am the subject of a full eye roll, FULL! Eye! Roll!  I think oh please…I invented the full eye roll kid. Then its full eye roll followed by a forgotten clarinet. Then its full eye roll, clarinet and a new fundraiser. Then you have full eye roll, clarinet, fundraiser, and the FAFSA form needs redone? Oh shoot me please! Bye comfort zone….claws out….I want back in!!!

I have to sit and think for a quick second about my ability to make good choices…I had four kids….I love them but I mean did I really think this through? Obviously, it’s all a sham and I am a big faker. As I am questioning my most basic sense of sanity I have to seriously regroup, because one more tiny little thing and this whole ball of yarn is going to unravel.

Wasn’t I just praising myself like two point five minutes ago….I had this sense of peace and I was most certainly able to get my hand all the way to my back to give a nice big fat pat for a job well done.

Another baby? Sure why not! A new puppy? Maybe two! Road trip across the country? Yes please, sans electronics even!

Oh man that was SOOOOOOOO two point five minutes ago! No more babies, puppies or road trips…ever!! I mean how can we make it from California to even Arizona if number 4 cannot even remember her clarinet, not even one second of one day remember that stupid clarinet? Or number 3 has that spasmatic attitude-induced eye rolling disorder…there is no cure for that! Can anyone, aNyOnE, ANYONE, fill out a form besides me? How did I get to be such a loser mom…bottom of the barrel….worst there is….you need a license to catch a fish but they’ll just let anyone have four kids….

Seriously you guys can anyone else switch modes as fast as me? You know high mountaintop one second, low valley the next? I wish the answer was no, but I am thinking the answer is…YES…every single one of us!! One minute we are all amazing, completely together and enjoying life, the next minute we are questioning everything and convincing ourselves we suck!

We moms love so hard, we want our kids and husbands to feel our strong need to do right by them. We desire the world to see this too. We need the others impressed and commenting on our clean home, great kids and adorable relationships with our darling husbands. But seriously WHY? When something short of faking it is all everyone is doing!

Ladies let’s love each other better!! Want to? More high fives! More good jobs! More you’ll do great! More my kid does that too! More I have no idea what I am doing either! More I failed! More I feel overwhelmed! More you are not alone!

Because you are not alone!!! You are doing a great job. You will do great things. My kid, OF COURSE, does that too. I seriously have zero clue what I am doing. I fail constantly. I have not experienced a feeling other than being overwhelmed since 1995!

Whew…knowing you are not alone feels great! Can you think of a friend right now who might need to hear they are not alone and that they are doing a good job? Don’t wait…bless them with your mess…

Bless on and Mess on my friends,

Imperfect little me