Lets get empathy right….

No I was not perfect in my first marriage…we fought, we disagreed, we spent money differently, but we also laughed and had fun and loved each other a lot….Then he left, and I had no choice…one day I woke up and it was my reality…..

I think this is so important to talk about because, while I am able to ignore these comments now 20 years later…for the first WAY TOO MANY YEARS, I cringed when I had to tell someone I was divorced. This is because some people inevitably work into the conversation something like “too many people just throw the towel in these days,” or, “my husband and I aren’t perfect but we work hard on our marriage.” 

{Cue the lightening strike to my soul}

I wanted to scream “I had no choice, I didn't throw in the towel…I was devastated and crushed!!”  

I would feel compelled to make sure that they knew, even though I am not sure why it was their business, that I was very hurt and extremely saddened by my divorce. I felt abandoned and unlovable…so no I didn't throw in the towel.

Now I sort of just feel sorry for the people who feel the need to let me know that they disapprove of my divorce in this hurtful and passive aggressive way. This one comment conveys how they view me in relation to them, and that the choices I’ve made obviously don't match up to theirs. I think most of these comments are meant to affirm themselves rather then hurt me, in the moment however, it feels like a slap.

I hate divorce, it changed my life, and the lives of our daughters. It put me on a journey I had no intention of ever being on. It made a choice for me that I would not have made for myself. It was painful for me then and continues to be painful for my daughters today….it really is a sucky option.

That being said…I guess this post is a lesson on empathy… instead of overeager self-righteousness how about if the default we all choose is an empathetic response to facts and choices we know nothing about. Instead of claiming you have the correct formula how about a walk first in my shoes? How about not inflicting pain but easing pain? 

The statements that I have endured for twenty years serve nothing more then a chance for someone to explain they are better then me. Judgement at its finest! 

Lets get empathy right….

LUKE 6:31 is a brilliant scripture that sums so many things up in our lives……. “do unto others as you would have them do to you!” ….it is simple yet profound….Love each other and just be nice!! Brilliant!

Loving each other imperfectly through His great love,

imperfect little me