When a high five passes for intimacy.....

The other day my husband and I literally high-fived as he was walking in the door and I was walking out. We slapped hands, caught a quick glance from one another and kept on going….A fleeting moment for us of acknowledging ‘see you when I see you, I miss you, but hey…this is us right now.’ kids have practice, mom has clients and its only Monday. We love it, we hate it and we know life is just busy and that busyness is not going any where unless we make some changes.

But uggg the disconnection...a life sucker! High fives do not foster connection....Can anyone relate?

One area that we abuse during these busy times is our spiritual closeness...we put off time together speaking life into our marriage through reading God’s word or praying together. We have no problem cutting it out as the first thing that has to go because all of the other things feel like they have "real live" deadlines or due dates…they require our presence or we may get kicked off the team, lose clients, miss out on fun, or heck, I’ll say it….miss out on relaxing dang it!!! 

When I recognize I am having those thoughts I know that I've got it all wrong…God is so loving and caring and awesome ...He loves marriage...he honors our time together, and these conversations are some of the best my husband and I have ever had! They are so fun, they bring us closer, help us see each others perspective and help us feel closer then we do at any other time.

God deserves the first portion of our time… I read it in the Bible, I hear Pastor preach it, and I know we benefit so much from it! So how come I know it, enjoy it, reap the benefits of it, but its the first thing to go when times get tough? 

Spiritual Intimacy is a real thing you guys…without it…all other intimacy is seriously out the window. Without Spiritual Intimacy we can also not truly be connected emotionally, or physically…we just coexist. The triunity of the Body, Soul and Spirit, is real and it relies on all parts working and functioning together! But the second we take time to be intentional about our spiritual time together, magically the other areas snap back together. Its like a miracle or something ;)

Ok so we all want to do better at this…how can we do it?

Figure out what works for you as a couple to spend time with God.

What controls your mind, controls your life” A true statement, which is humbling but effective when the desire is to make a change. 

If you have some preconceived notion of how this change must be done…you may get frustrated. Anytime we try and stick with what works for someone else, we can end up frustrated with ourselves.  While looking at people you trust, and who are getting it right, is a great idea for ideas…feeling like they are the standard can sometimes make us feel like we fall short. PLEASE keep in mind God loves our effort, He knows how busy you are, He knows that your heart is in the right place, and He recognizes that you recognize you'd like to make a change…He is (as it says in Titus 2:12,) “training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and Godly lives in the present age.” 

So here are some suggestions….

  1. Devotionals….find a devotional that you both enjoy and that is applicable to something going on in your marriage…for us SLOWING DOWN might be a wise choice
  2. Pick a book of the Bible and just read some of it together….I always suggest Proverbs as a great book to share with your spouse because it promotes conversation. Then just start at chapter one and read a chapter a day.
  3. Pray together…3-5 minutes when you wake up or go to bed will center you and keep you grounded together in Christ. If you don't wake or go to bed at the same time, or if praying together is not something you are comfortable with yet in your walk, email each other what you are praying about. Its a great start to opening those doors to feeling comfortable with this.
  4. Read a book together….There are so many amazing Christian books out there by trusted authors, that this is a great way to keep you connected and communicating. 

A few tips as you take off on this journey together…

Be kind to one another.  So often we can become opinionated, usually each marriage has one person who takes the lead in verbalizing opinions…yes, folks, thats me….poor Chad….but this time together is not the place to do it. Even if one person in the relationship is further down the road spiritually then the other, let each other learn through the process and just focus on the closeness it brings you.

Be attentive…if you are truly listening to your spouse and showing empathy toward their journey or thoughts or even struggles….you are loving your spouse the way Christ intends for us to love. So cut out distractions…phone, texts, TV, etc… and just listen. Try not to see the time that they are talking as your opportunity to form your replay. Be present and in it!

Be supportive…Nobody wants to expose their vulnerable nerve, just to have the person they should be able to trust the most, yank on it. When your spouse gives you something of themselves, treasure it and treat it the way you would treat yourself….protect it and reassure it!

This Spiritually Intimate time together has the power to transform your marriage….no other thing in this world is more important for your marriage or any relationship. God will honor your effort and He will bless your time together.

God Bless imperfect little you!


imperfect little me